Monday, November 28, 2011

I will call this one, "The Christmas Wish List"

So there is really only one thing that I want this year for Christmas (and for my stupid too-close-to Christmas Birthday)...I just want gift certificates for a spalon near me.  (No, that is not a typo.  Its not just a spa and not just a is a spalon!)  

If I don't get enough gift certificates, I will cash them in for a massage...if I get enough, I think I will order from the "FDA-Approved, Doctor Administered Treatment" menu. <wink>

Don't judge me!  I've had a lot of shitty shit happen to me in the last couple-a years and its starting to catch up to me...on my face.  Specifically my eyes.  All of a sudden and without any warning, when I smile, there are these lines that go all the way to my navel!  Last week, I went to the eye doctor and they had the gall to tell me that I need bifocals!  (I promptly told Doctor know-it-all to go fuck herself, thankyouverymuch!)

Anyway...where was I going with this.....

Oh yeah...THE HUSBAND is a gift card hypocrite!  He HATES to give them as gifts, but enjoys getting them!  When I ask for one, he gets all kinds of pissy with me.  This year he is making me come up with a Christmas list.

Don't ask me to do something that you know I don't want to do.  It almost always comes out like this:

Shutthefuckup!  Its only $5.44!  Get me two!


If I can spot your fart, you're totally doing it wrong

Would you believe that this only got 4 1/2 stars?

"The Art of the Fart....or How the Fart Fetish Began"

 Again, I really think that if I can SPOT your fart, that you just might be doing it wrong!

The moral of this story is this:  Farts are funny, dammit!  And don't make me put shit on a list when I know what I want!

I showed THE HUSBAND my list and he was not amused.

THE HUSBAND:  You're not really giving this list to anyone, right?

Me:  (all kinds of innocent...)  You told me to make a list!

HUBS:  You really want this stuff?  Farts?  What are you, a 12 year old boy?

Me:  Hey, you told me to make a list!  I made a list!

HUBS:  You're giving this list to my parents!  They are going to think you want this stuff!

We have now decided that I will just recommend the spalon gift card for anyone who wants to get me anything....

Gee...why didn't I think of that?

Interested in Fart Gifts? You can find them here!  Enjoy! 


I'm curious if this will FINALLY answer the question we've been dying to know 

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